Saturday, September 27, 2008

Going Backwards?

I am struggling. I love Teach. But I think my work sucks. I LOVE color. I feel frustrated, imprisoned, aggitated, irritated.

Yet also determined, resolute, hopeful and trusting her leading. My life is about color. I am a black and white person, a "yes" or "no", "now" or "never" person. I read life like the sports pages. Headline first, bottom line, then the details. But somehow, art without color is choking me.

Sketch from Monday. I still am horrible at drapery. Those are the wierd and meaningless scratches below the hatbox! I did run out of time. I don't know that time would have helped.

This is Wednesday's pathetic sketch. Like I said, I feel like I am falling backwards.
For the next three or four classes, we are working on still life. I hate this. She purposely has us drawing a bunch of junk, ugly crap that no one could have any emotional connection to so we can learn form and value. I get her reasoning and do not fault it. The result is what is glaring me in the face is my horrific lack of talent.

I return to my first epiphany. God gives us the desires of our heart. I have this huge desire to paint. Meaningfully paint. Passionately paint. Purposefully paint. Powerfully paint. I am a person of passion and faith and compassion. I want that to transfer to canvas. I trust that He will enable me through Teach's lessons to learn and grow and widen my foundation.

At this point, I am triply grateful she is a kind and encouraging Teach. I feel very fragile.

But I know better.
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